How Do You Spell L.O.V.E.?

With Valentine’s Day season upon us, you might wonder how spell L.O.V.E.  In our  book, The First Five Years, we explain how to create a memorable romantic encounter for your spouse no matter how many years you are married. (And we will adapt this for those who are single and dating).  Keep this acrostic for LOVE in mind as you make plans to wow the one you love:








Your spouse will drop hints about the things he or she loves and you can use these hints to create more romance and sizzle in your relationship. For example, if you listen to Bill and me in a casual lunch conversation, you would  discern  that Bill loves things like: Football, fishing, cooking, joke telling, and the Bible.  If you listen to Pam you’d discover she loves travel, biking, swimming, tennis, laughing, and helping women—and the spa!

It doesn’t take much imagination then to know that if I (Pam) give Bill a day of ocean fishing or if he gave me a day at the spa, we would be more interested in each other at the end of that day. But it doesn’t have to cost a lot. Kayaking is on both our lists, so we have a goal to have a kayak date in every state we travel to for business. Walking and biking are also on both of our lists, so an evening stroll, or a leisurely cycle around a lake near us is apt to also put us in the mood. Bill and I keep a running list of “loves” we discover about one another while listening.


On the TV show Sherlock (and in the classic books with this character),  Sherlock Holmes wows the audience by his keen detective skills of observation. You can become a detective and easily observe what will bless and ignite your spouse:

  • What raises stress in your partner?—then make a plan to lower it
  • What lifts the spirit?—then make a plan to repeat it
  • What calms the atmosphere?—then recreate it
  • What things are collectible?—then add to it
  • When he or she sighs and relaxes?—then repeat it
  • What draws him/her to you?—then protect it


For married couples, when it comes to intimacy, don’t get in a rut.  Vary the romance. In our book, Red Hot Monogamy, inspired by Song of Songs, we give over 200 Red Hot Romance ideas. The King and the Bride in song of Songs model for couples simple romantic inspirations. And they make time together a priority, “My beloved speaks and says to me: “Arise, my love, my beautiful one, and come away,” {Song of Songs 2:10)

One of the easiest ways to vary the experience is to keep the five senses in mind. Vary the places you date, mix the style from dressy to down to earth. Or try adding new sounds/music, scents, textures, or tastes.  If you go to dinner each Thursday, next week eat it on the rooftop, or on a blanket at the park. If you usually work out as a couple, then make the next date a payoff- get some new athletic wear and try out a new activity.


To extract love, take an old idea and give it a new spin. Personalize it, shake it up, add to it. For example, because we are relationship communicators, we are usually pretty busy around Valentine’s Day. Often we have to be at the NRB (National Religious Broadcasters) conference. No offense to those in Christian radio, but the NRB isn’t the most romantic place to be around on Valentine’s Day. We have decided, however, to make it romantic the years we need to be there. One year, Bill scanned the covers of all the books we have written and made a series of greeting cards with personal love messages that used the titles as a part of a pun, like “It has been “Pure Pleasure” being married to you”.  Every hour all day, he gave me a card with a new message and tiny gift.Bill & Pam Farrel Valentine


L.O.V.E: Listen, observe, vary and extract to create a love to look forward to living. It is possible to keep love as red hot as those candy hearts you munch on each Valentine’s Day—it just takes a little creativity and some L.O.V.E.


Pam and Bill Farrel are relationship specialists, international speakers and best selling authors of Men are like Waffles, Women are like Spaghetti, Red Hot Monogamy and The First Five Years: Make the Love Investment ( When they are not traveling to speak on marriage or family, you will find them at home on their live aboard boat in Southern California.


A Valentine’s Gift That Lasts

A Valentine’s Gift That Lasts

By Susan G Mathis

On this Valentine’s Day week, I’d like to remind you of the importance of keeping your marriage strong. It’s the best gift you can give your spouse.

“Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails,” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8).

Remember what a great adventure your marriage has been and can be, and be careful not to get apathetic about your relationship. As with any journey, there are slow, boring, mundane seasons, but the times of making memories, capturing intimate experiences, and finding quality moments supersedes all the rest.

Choose not to get discouraged or weary in well doing, in working at your marriage, in resolving conflict, or in struggling to make ends meet. Build memories that transcend everyday life. It’s a daily choice…to love unconditionally, to sacrifice substantially, and to enjoy each other eternally.


Dear Lord, It’s easy to take our spouse for granted. Help us to lean into the adventure of marriage and keep our marriages strong and vibrant. In Jesus name, Amen


About the author: Susan Mathis is the author of of two Tyndale published premarital books Countdown for Couples: Preparing for the Adventure of Marriage and The ReMarriage Adventure: Preparing for a Lifetime of Love & Happiness as well as The Fabric of Hope: An Irish Family Legacy and four other books. She is the vice president of Christian Authors Network and the Founding Editor of Thriving Family magazine and former Editor of 12 Focus on the Family publications. She has written hundreds of articles and now serves as a writer, writing coach, and consultant. For more, visit



Where is my Valentine?

Where is my valentine?

Sunday Devotion, Where is my Valentine

by Angela Breidenbach

Valentine’s Day creates a lot of stress and pain in those who don’t have the expected “valentine”, no one to give a gift to or get a gift from can often become a polarizing situation in a culture that pushes the holiday commercially. It’s sometimes embarrassing to get asked what you’re doing for Valentine’s Day. Some people cringe or go to great lengths to avoid that topic from past hurts but secretly ask, where is  my valentine? 

We believe the myth that romantic, true love makes everyone happy.

Romantic love, then, becomes an idol in our culture. Love is good. Love is beautiful. But true love comes from God, not a human being. Lonely people can feel the knife of that idol as it gets driven by unreasonable expectations focused on one specific date. That date may not connect with our real life timelines, or God’s will, or God’s best plan for our future spouse. But still an overwhelming onslaught of commercials and chatter about fancy chocolates, red roses, poetic cards, giant teddy bears, and engagement diamonds teaches us that we have no value unless we have romantic love and are showered with presents physically expressing that love for all to see.

The emptiness of being the only one without a “valentine” spirals when it becomes the only topic of conversation for a few days each year. But the underlying questions that deepen the pain are: Doesn’t anyone love me? What’s wrong with me? Or the mortifying look of pity from someone who thinks they should feel sad that someone is unattached. The pressure of Valentine’s Day isn’t just for the unattached though. Married people feel pressured to express love on that day as if it isn’t important the rest of the year. It has to be over-the-top. Financially, adding the cost of presents might even add unnecessary budget pressures to a relationship teetering weekly to meet real needs. Relationally, a spouse may put so much importance on that day that they feel unloved if a present doesn’t show up or the physical union doesn’t happen…as expected. Year after year, the pressure to top the last Valentine’s becomes a powerful fear for many people afraid of disappointing the one they adore.

Nothing is wrong with someone who doesn’t have a specific romantic connection on a commercialized holiday. Nothing is wrong with someone who doesn’t want to “celebrate” that specific day in an expected way.
Nothing is wrong with a couple that chooses to express love every day and ignore the commercial holiday. 
And nothing is wrong with anyone who chooses to express love on that holiday either. We simply need to drop the expectation and judgement so that when we express love, it is authentic.

But if you were wondering where your valentine is and if you’re loved unconditionally—yes, you are loved deeply. Not just one day a year, but you are loved every day of your life. Unconditionally. The distraction of man-made expectations can set us up for loneliness and despair creating a false desire for what someone else deems as necessary. Breaking it down to the basics, what we want may not be what we need. It’s too easy to get distracted when our eyes are on something other than the purpose and goals God knit right into our very beings.

Think about a time you were very, very hungry. A broth tastes good, but wouldn’t satisfy and certainly wouldn’t last long. What a very hungry person wants and needs is a full meal. God is your full meal of love. But, we often don’t recognize how that works and so believe we have to tangibly feel it to “really” feel His love.

So how does it really work, that love thing?

If we set our eyes on the One Who Loves us every day of our lives, who has our best at heart, who inspires us to reach for the dreams and goals He designed for each individual, then we have a sense of fulfillment. An awe that draws us forward into the path of those who also have been called to a similar journey. Fellowship, friendship, and fulfillment blossom out of relationships built on that journey. Relationships that feel real because God put those people in our lives to be His hands and feet, His arms wrapped around us. Stepping off that path, distracted by wanting the “comfort” of a commercialized expectation, the desire to fit in opens up comparison. Comparison morphs into the sin of coveting. Coveting blinds us to the specialness that could happen…if we were on the path to that personalized purpose.

Does Love = Value?

Our value comes from the One Who Loves. God sees the value in you. He designed an amazing, unique, experiential purpose for your life and mine. Purpose that gives a deep sense of satisfaction. Where there is satiety, there’s no hunger. Satisfaction, joy, and an outward expression of love for others that build a life of ultimate happiness no human being can begin to replace. Building a satisfying, joyful life experience pushes out loneliness and the need to perform to others expectations.

But what about love and valentines? Yes, we all need love. God has given us community and fellowship to help fill that need. But it isn’t up to others to fill us up. No lover or spouse can do that. Expecting that person to be everything and fulfill all sets them up for dismal failure and sets you up for disappointment. Their expectations and opinions don’t make us empty or worthless either. It’s up to God to fill us up, and in that process of overflowing love into our souls, we lavish that deep, soul love onto others. We can pour that love out by becoming involved in the natural interests God designed specifically for us. While at work, at play, at church, traveling…do what interests you and you’ll meet interesting people.

One of the best ways to fill a hole in a lonely heart is to get involved in a volunteer program. Use skills you have or sign up to learn skills you’ve always wanted, and then use those opportunities to build authentic relationships. Loneliness disappears when we give of ourselves to enrich the lives of others.

Whether you’re single, married, widowed, it doesn’t matter. Fellowship, deep relationships, come because we first pour out love to someone else. That’s the model the Lord set. He first loved us and so we love Him. It’s a natural reaction. If loneliness, unmet expectations, or wanting “what everyone else has” put a scar on your heart, consider a personal prayer to realign to God’s loving will rather than the distraction of worldly ways. 

Romans 12:2

Dear Lord,
Forgive me for getting so easily distracted by expectations fueling my wants and defining my comfort. Help me to focus when I wake on the things you want me to do including eating properly, exercising daily, and pouring my energy into what you have prepared for me. None of those things are always easy and they can make me uncomfortable. I want to be available to You and the people You put in my life. I desire real relationships, not hollow ones. Help me to set my mind on what you desire for me so that it becomes what I desire. Help this Spirit-led life to flow love out of me into my words, actions, and relationships. Fill me with joy as I fill myself with You and direct it outward into my community and world. 

In Jesus name,

Don’t be conformed to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your minds so that you can figure out what God’s will is–what is good and pleasing and mature.
Romans 12:2

Have you felt pressured or unloved on Valentine’s Day?

What kind of interests have you ignored that you might try now?

Have you considered volunteering for a cause or organization to pour out love and build relationships?

Have you considered gaining new skills through volunteerism?

Have you explored job opportunities or changes through volunteerism to help you get back on the path you feel God designed for you?

About the author: Angela Breidenbach is the Christian Authors Network president, radio show host, and author of over 15 books.