We think that your marriage is a wonderful forum for instilling values, beliefs, principles and morals. Society sometimes just doesn’t know what to do with great men, great women, great dads, great moms, and people are often baffled by the wise, well spoken,  and well centered children focused parents produce.

We were very proactive in our parenting. We share the details of how we raised our kids is in 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make. The main point is that all along the way we prayed specifically and planned intentionally. We developed a Learner and Leader Plan with a yearly Farrel Family Fun Day and on this day each year we negotiated privileges and responsibilities. We gave them a gift that applauded their calling each year.

We reinforced good choices with a Teen Relationship Contract, Education Contract, Driving Contract, and as media developed, we added in a Media

10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make; Got Teens; 10 Questions Kids ASk About Sex

Contract. We added in plenty of fun like, father son trips and individual time with mom enjoying their favorite activities with plenty of time for deeper conversations.

At sixteen we gave them car keys with a verse on it, “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality;  that each of you should learn to control your own body  in a way that is holy and honorable,”  (1 Thes. 4:3-4 NIV) .

We also gave each son an ID bracelet with that same verse on it that they wore on dates.  Then as they prepared to launch into their own life, we have a walk into manhood inviting all their mentors to a celebration.

We also have a Freshman Foundation Dinner and Dialogue which is a series of five sets of discussion questions we used to talk through critical areas as our children went away to college. (All these are available at our Love-Wise website).

Farrel family

Sometimes people say, “Bill and Pam, you are so intense”.  We agree, we are intense—and intentional. Parenting is hard work, but the only thing harder is to not do the work and have to do much more repair work later because you didn’t spend the time sowing right thinking into your children’s lives.  We just elected to do much of the hard work early so we could enjoy the fruit of having kids making wiser choices as they grew up. One mentor said to us, “Pay now or pay later—but you will pay.”

Bill and I found working and planning together as parents drew us closer as a couple.  As a grandmother, I helped author, Raising a Modern Day Princess, because I was motivated to also

Raising a Modern-Day Princess by Pam Farrel and Doreen Hanna

Raising a Modern-Day Princess by Pam Farrel and Doreen Hanna

help my granddaughters (and  grandsons) make wise choices.  As grandparents, we want to back up all the important wisdom our now grown kids will be passing on to their own children by reinforcing the

values mom and dad are sharing.

We know God’s desire is for us to be proactive in passing along our values:

These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates (Duet 6:6-9)

10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make

We encourage parents to leave their trademark on their children ™

T- Traditions, the things you do yearly to pass on your faith and values.

M- Memories, the special once in a lifetime events or activities that build into your children.

So talk together about what you hope for as your children journey with you. What traditions, what memories do you want to plan in order to pass on your belief system?

Lord, help us be proactive in preparing our children well for the life journey you have for them. Give us wisdom and creativity as we plan traditions and memories. Amen

Pam and Bill Farrel are the parents of three godly grown sons, who each married God-honoring wives, and are raising 5 grandchildren to love and serve God too. The Farrels have penned several parenting books including 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make and 10 Questions Kids Ask About Sex. (Harvest House Publsihers) The Farrel family loves to gather on Bill and Pam’s live aboard boat in Southern California.

Pam and Bill Farrel
and family

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When our first book was released, our mentor, Jim Conway,jim conway and bill mi (Men in Mid-Life Crisis), told our three young sons, “Your life is copy written. Make a deal with your folks, if they use a story from your life, you should get some benefit.” That was great advice because our boys would BRING us stories to use in exchange for a “royalty payment”.family young kids caleb 4

When they were little, tangible coins went into a jar for each, but with in a few years, we all agreed it was easier to give them their percentage when our royalty checks came, and that money went into their college fund.

So from the beginning of our writing career the boys say that their lives mattered and they had a very important part in the ministry too. Of course we did the obviously wise actions to protect our relationships by asking permission to use stories, and checking wording of anything sensitive, and deciding with them what stories not to tell. But over all, they have seen themselves as a part of the “writing and marketing team”

Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti, by Bill & Pam Farrel

In English class in public high school one son gave a speech on Men Are Like Waffles, Women Are Like Spaghetti; In college, another son used Single Men Are Like Waffles, Single Women Are Like Spaghetti in a debate to share stats showing it is wiser to wait until marriage for sex.SIngle ws

The year one son graduated high school, another from college, and our eldest and his wife graduated with their Masters, they pitched in to help write 10 Best Decisions a Graduate Can Make

10 Best Decisions a Graduate Can Make (08 04

 

A favorite photo of our sons lifting their dad up like a hero is oft used with Bill’s 10 Best Decisions a Man Can Make book because that resource is great for mentoring– even discipling your own son. bill hero with sons

Our children’s love stories are in books. Brock and Hannah met when I did a booksigning in her parent’s Christian bookstore, and that story is in 10 Best Decisions a Parent Can Make. Their “take the high road” integrity of  not kissing til engaged  is in Guys are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti book for teens. And they all contributed input for The Before You Marry Book of Questions. (on sale now for $6 (use code “wedding”)

 

In addition, they have been gracious to allow us to use wedding photos when sharing concepts from several of our books on marriage, including A Couples Journey with God.

 

It is natural to want to share how Christianity works in your family, so make a plan to invite your family to be a part of your team, and a part of God’s ministry.  People want to know the inside scoop about an author’s life, love and family, so strategically plan what to share, when to share and how to share the life and love God has blessed you with.

“By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” (John 13:35)

 

Pam Farrel

Pam Farrel

Pam Farrel

Co director of Love-Wise.com

International speaker, author of 40 books including her newest 7 Simple Skills for Every Woman: Success in Keeping It All Together

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