Hello from Kathy Collard Miller, here in the Southern California desert.
It was always difficult for my mother to relax and trust God, and even when she was in her 80’s, it seemed like the Lord was still inviting her to trust Him more. My sister and I would say to each other, “You’d think the Lord would stop working on people when they get old enough, but He sure seems to still be working on mom.”
That was true up until the last few days of her life. When it was time for hospice, she moved into my home but didn’t seem to really comprehend that time for her was short. In fact, ten days before she joined
Jesus in heaven, she complained to me, “Kathy, I just hate lying here and not accomplishing anything. I should be doing something!”
I didn’t quite know what to say except, “Well, mom, you are 89. Maybe it’s time for you to just relax and let me take care of you.” She gave me a half-hearted smile like she wasn’t quite convinced.
The next day, I walked into her room and stood beside her hospital bed. Again, she said to me, “I should be getting up and doing something.” I was about to remind her that she was too weak to get up, when she turned away from me, looked out the window, and paused as if listening. Then she said out loud in a slightly irritated voice, “You mean you want me to just lay here and do nothing?”
I felt an urge to look to my side to see if someone was there, but I knew no one else was in the house. I was trying to decide if I should answer her, when a few seconds later, her facial expression turned from irritated to peaceful. Her whole body relaxed against the sheets. She smiled and said, “OK.”
I was so stunned that I didn’t have the courage to ask her what had just happened. But she never again complained about “just lying here.” And in fact, she seemed at total peace for her remaining few days.
I do believe God never stops “working” in His children for our spiritual growth, even until we join Him in heaven. He is always interested in drawing us closer to His loving heart, a heart that wants our good and our sanctification. And it may mean “just lying here and doing nothing.”